Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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