coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
