I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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