she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
