Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
