Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
