"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
