so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I understand Curling. That high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
