carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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