we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
