she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't deserve a penis
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i now understand why vodka
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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