Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
