I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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