I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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