I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize