Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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