he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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