I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
