Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
