I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
