I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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