Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
