remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
