I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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