I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
