We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
