so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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