with your own penis?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
