Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
