It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you win again, gameday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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