You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
