tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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