I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
