dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
