Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
