Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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