yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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