I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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