I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
