I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
