you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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