I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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