I puked a lego.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
