Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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