Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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