this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
