I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize