i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
