Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize