Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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