How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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