What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
