You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just high enough for therapy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
