Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
