Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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