Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need water and some morals
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
