I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
