You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize