his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
