Will you blow on my dice?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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