If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
