JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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